That's my Gran

Ninety years old

She smells just like ass mould

But she's family

And that makes her dear to me

That's my Gran

That's my Gran

Farting like a man

See her do turds in her all bran

That's my Gran

That's my Gran

Driving in her van

Running everybody over

Just cos she can

Doesn't care

She's got crap in her hair

But she's family

And that makes her dear to me

That's my Gran

That's my Gran

Running with a plan

Hitting that bloke with a saucepan

That's my Gran

That's my Gran

With her wrinkly tan

Amazes everybody

With her life span

That's my Gran

That's my Gran

Bearded like a man

Airing herself with the big fan

That's my Gran

That's my Gran

Bakes a wicked flan

She's so old she was there when

The Earth began